A stream of thoughts is rushing through my mind… I get pulled out of a conversation just because my brain somehow finds a word that is being said more interesting. It actually finds it inspiring. It’s inspired to go on a journey, to start philosophizing about that word. That word might transform into some other words, or into a brilliant idea that I just can’t let go off. It might remind me of some chores I still have to do and will start making that list in my mind, or bring me back to a conversation that has happend another day and try to analyze what actually was discussed. Without me being aware of this, I am not paying any more attention to the current conversation. I am lost in my mind, fantasizing. Not able to grasp any word that is being sad. 

A few years ago I found out that I have ADD, meaning Attention Deficit Disorder. It finally explained my endless daydreaming, my tiredness because of my overstimulated senses and the need to go crawl back into my own world. The delayed processing of information, the feeling of being trapped in my own mind, my total hyper-focused-moments, an overload of plans (and actually all trying to do them with full conviction), and me being so easily distracted. Not to forget my short-term memory, the troubles I have with storing information. The most satisfying part of this diagnose for me, was that there was an explanation of the complications with directing my focus. I have never been able to controle this, like it is living in it’s own world. 

The sad thing is, when not knowing I had ADD, that this harmed my self-confidence. It made me doubt myself. Not understanding why I was less competent in doing basic ’simple’ things. I was comparing myself to an unrealistic standard. Knowing now, I understand that this was not fair. I have to realize that I am wired differently and as a consequence I function distinctively in certain circumstances. 

ADD also bears it’s gifts. A different perspective on the world and an occupied mind makes me a creative thinker and do-er. Combined with the impulsivity and / or a hyperfocus, results in exciting challenges and surprising results. Not afraid to experiment and to color outside of the lines. Next to this, my sensitivity enhances my compassion towards others and certain situations. Which can help to easier connect with others. 

This ‘ADD-label’ most definitely is not an excuse. For me it works as a frame to better understand myself. And to direct and adjust my life in a way that’s most useful for me and those whom are closely surround me. 

I am sharing this because my view on the world with this in mind, fuels the inspiration of making this solo piece. Translating the world that goes inside my mind into dancing. Read more about my research in creating this solo here